He is so white

This is a comment that I've heard often enough to make me pause when out with our baby.

I am South Asian and brown; not dark or light. My skin is my skin. After growing up in suburban Florida, I've learned to be completely comfortable in it, despite being aware of the fact that lighter is always better.

Unless you're white. Then it's tan that people spend a fortune and put their health at risk to seek (will NEVER figure that one out). Yet racism still exists because people think those with different skin color are in fact different from them.

The first time it happened I was in the spa with my son. One of the staffer's I'm not really fond of - she told me at 8 months pregnant I was really big - came to stay hello and coo at the baby.

"Oh, he's so white," she said.

I let it go because she has been pushing my buttons since we became members and now I didn't have the excuse of hormones to blow up at her.

A few days later, I was at the frame shop, picking up a few items with my Sudanese American neighbor's son. He is perhaps the most precious child I've seen outside my family (the nieces have a firm place in my heart).

"He's so white," one of the women said.

Again, the first time I let it go. But she had to say it again.

And then: "Not like his brother."

I realized she was talking about our neighbor who is clearly of African descent.

"That's not his brother," I found myself saying, though it was none of her business.

Multiple comments about our baby's color makes me realize that he is in fact a child of mixed races.

This may sound odd, but my husband and I are both children of Asian immigrants who grew up in emotionally reserved families with demanding fathers. We both work harder than we should at our jobs and enjoy traveling in style.

In short: we have more in common than in differences. If we were to list the differences they would be in the area of personality: he's an extreme introvert and I'm so extroverted, I wish I could run electricity off my energy to save on the power bill.

I've never thought about our different appearances. Though everyone kept saying "we can't wait to see what combination your genes will produce," I didn't really equate that with old fashioned notions of race or color.

At least for our son's sake, he was lucky and got the favorable color: whiteness.