A Month Later...

It's been nearly a month since I last sat down to post my ruminations on this blog. And it isn't because I haven't been ruminating. In fact, sometimes I feel that's all I do now, that somehow having this baby has opened up so many news spaces in my life.

It's true I've shed lots of old habits in order for this to happen. I keep an eye on the clock after a certain part of the morning push back from my desk within fifteen minutes of the time I say I'm going to. I race home, guilty, sweaty, slightly angry at the thought of being controlled by an 8 week old.

But when I get home and see him -- his eyes, and yes his miles of hair that everyone exclaims about -- I never regret the decision to leave on time.

Working 9-2pm is a different style for me; the workaholic who infamously ran a company by herself for the better part of a year.

But I don't want to do that anymore. Even though my body and mind don't know this: I was jangly tonight after passing up not one but two networking opportunities to come home.

Even after coming inside the door to find my husband watching football on television I couldn't shake the nagging feeling I'd somehow made the wrong decision. But when I was upstairs with the darling and he had fallen asleep on my shoulder, all such silly thoughts vanished.

People comment on one of two things when they see him: his hair or his temperament.

"Does he ever cry?" a parent of another two month old asked. I tried not to simper with pride.

Because of course he does.

"He vocalizes so much," another mother said of him in comparison to her own child who was only a week older (lots of kids born this summer!).

Again, I resisted the urge to preen. My parents put horrible burdens for behavior and expectations on us and before I found comfort in faith, I teetered under the weight of their demands. I don't want to do that to my child -- particularly starting when he's so young.

But this afternoon when he has his fingers in his mouth, it's REALLY hard not to snatch them out!

Instead of being angry at him, I decided to give in and see what the worst was that could happen. His sucking of his fingers got so loud, even my football watching husband could hear them.