9 months: a year in review

This time last year I was preparing for the launch of our start up by attending celebrations in two countries: Qatar and the United Kingdom, graced by a visit with the Queen at Windsor Castle no less.

And now here we are on the year anniversary of that and I'm about to walk away from the job that's had very high highs, and very low, lows.

What's remained constant however, is the growth of this little bundle that is our baby.

He now stands, pulls himself up, smiles at Katy Perry on Sesame Street (and her Peacock video!) as well as eats solids. A baby is such an incredible time keeper. He reminds me of how I felt this time last year, waiting for his arrival, unsure of what kind of parents I would be.

The truth is, I am up to my neck in work. There's leaving this job, there are two start-ups I'm involved in as well as pulling together a volunteer taping of a pilot for a web series. Oh and being a wife, trying to lose the weight, write in my journal and remember to eat, sleep, shower, and show up for meetings on time (most of which I failed to do today).

I have such willing hands to help from our nanny; she spends a lot of time with the baby and she's great at it. He adores her but smiles and turns his head when I enter the room so that helps.

I don't feel the guilt that other mothers talk about - particularly working mothers. I don't know if it's because I am literally running on my feet (which is why I haven't posted here in 2 months) or if it's because I always thought motherhood would be somewhat distanced for me, given the way that I grew up.

My parents were not emotionally tied to us - except in the case of negative emotions - until college. Up until then we were a threat to their good names and me particularly, had a vagina that needed strict policing against the amorality of American teenagers.

Watching Glee today and actually most nights of the show, I wonder about this teenager that our rambunctious little one will be become. Will he experiment and self destruct?

Will I force him into staid Christianity as I experience during college and not be very happy -- but be very good?

My husband had riotous upbringing and broke his father's heart on a regular basis.

Will our son do the same?

Always a lover of inclusive groups and lots of people, I suddenly wonder if I'd rather only have one. Where will I find room in my heart for the other kids? How will my body slow down enough? And not to mention on this new self-employed lifestyle can we accommodate another plane ticket?

When people ask, I try to pretend as though money were no object as to how many kids we'd have: 4-6. As I flip through the pages of People magazine, I see lots couples who have adopted or taken in foster or ill children, puppies, you name it.

And I want that.

But I want to be a jetsetting traveler too. So maybe then it will come.

But maybe not now?

One thing is sure: there is a lot of uncertainty but also excitement ahead.

Both for me and the baby.